It's OK to be Less Than Perfect

I know I've ranted recently about the idea of self love and the need to cultivate  it in our daily lives. It sounds like a really lovely idea too: "sorry I can't work those extra hours today, I need to go to yoga" or "no I will not bake an extra set of cookies for you, I deserve a pedicure..." the list goes on and on.

I had an interesting conversation with my aunt last night. The topic centered around the stresses we endure everyday (some realistic and some are self-induced). One of my biggest stressors as of late has been my decision to go to seminary school and my perhaps mistaken belief that my family thinks I'm crazy for doing it. What I didn't realize was how this belief colored the rest of what's going on in my life--without familial support for one of the biggest decisions of my life I've applied that stress in a way that translates to "I'm not good enough" and "they aren't proud of my accomplishments." This then distills itself into other areas of life like work, relationships, weight and body issues, etc. My aunt made a convincing point last night as well--she said people can only relate in terms of their own experiences. If you're talking to someone who's never had a drive to attend seminary school, can they really understand where you're coming from? In the end, who cares as long as you're happy? (this is admittedly sometimes harder to qualify, especially if family support is really important to you)

In my Vocation and Orientation class we're reading and speaking a lot about following our calling and living an authentic life. I asked the question last week about living a less-than-authentic life due to fear of societal pressures and lack of resources (i.e. money) I think that translates into other areas of our lives as well--"I need to weigh this much in order to be beautiful" and "I need to make this much money to be successful." In the end I think we need to give ourselves permission to not be perfect. I'm never going to please everyone in my life, but if I keep trying I'm never going to please me either.

You really are just where you need to be, just the way you are.

Blessings,

Denora 

Cosmic Musings

This week has been truly enlightening for me for various reasons. The first reason is rather unfortunate--a close friend of the family is currently extremely ill and undergoing a lot of hospital care. While the circumstances of this fact are sad, when I found out about this situation I was shocked at how strong my reaction was.

I'm a healer. I work with energy, I like to dabble in herbalism and I am absolutely and without a doubt fascinated in any of the ancient systems for restoring balance within the human body (Ayurveda, Chinese Medicine, Homeopathic treatments) I HAD to do something about this situation--it was an almost primal need to help someone in distress. This helps me realize I'm doing the right thing, day by day, inch by inch.

Additionally, I'm finding out more about myself and my path as I go along. I'm learning to listen to that quiet inner voice that doesn't lie when circumstances are shady or you need to tweak something. "Don't go down that path, it's a dead end..."

Being true to yourself is probably one of the most difficult experiences you could ever intentionally have. Change in the face of life circumstances is painful--and when divinity tells you it's time for something new our first response is to wail and kick and scream and cry, bemoan our woes, and go wallow somewhere in self pity for awhile. That's ok, because divinity can wait (indefinitely). Eventually, when you're done throwing a pity party you'll pick yourself up and soldier on.

The end result is always a stronger and clearer picture of that wonderful work of art that you are. I'm not sure why we hate the process of change so much, but the results are amazing! We get to look back and realize there was  no need for all the fuss. Having to read SO much for classes lately led me to this statement and I think it's universally true:

"The true icon is your neighbor, the human being who has been created in the image and with the likeness of God. How beautiful it is when our eyes are transfigured and we see that our neighbor is the icon of God, and that you, and you, and I--we are all the icons of God. How serious it is when we hate the image of God, whoever that may be, whether a Jew or a Palestinian. How serious it is when we cannot go and say, 'I am sorry about the icon of God who was hurt by my behaviour.' We all need to be transfigured so we can recognise the glory of God in one another." (2001,46-47)


This touches on a few themes for me, particularly recognizing the divinity within us. We have gods and goddesses within us guiding us to our true nature every day. When we live our lives in the spirit of love we become one with that nature, perpetuating all that is beautiful about humanity. When we decide not to live our lives in the spirit of love we become cut off from that essence and we all suffer. I ask that you think about this the next time you want to be really ugly to someone else...would you say and do those things to God?

Bright Blessings,

Denora

My Body Is Not A Rubber Band

So I'm ending week seven of my Precision Nutrition journey. Not that this point is entirely all that impressive considering this is a full year-long program, but I must say I'm enjoying the challenge. The daily assignments are keeping me accountable to something, and while the lessons are all things I've heard before the reassurance that this journey isn't linear gives me hope that I haven't been screwing things up all along. Keep in mind I haven't really lost weight or fat, but what I have accomplished is a relatively consistent habit of checking in with this website to track my progress and take my disgusting fish oil everyday. (truly an impressive feat for me)

I've also come to a completely personal decision to stop taking my birth control pill. There are several reasons for this, the foremost being I believe it is hindering my fat-loss process. Before anyone calls the looney police I will say I've researched all the alternatives I'm willing to consider and I find I'm just tired of bombarding my system with chemicals and running around like a headless chicken. And you know what? That one fact alone has me feeling better. Even if I find that stopping the pill doesn't make my fat loss any easier, I will rest easier knowing that I took the extra step in breaking modern society's hold on my uterus. Yay for small victories. More to come on this later.

-Denora

Religion: That ol' Black Magic (otherwise known as what lens are you using?)

Earlier this week I posted a quote from the 14th Dalai Lama on my FB page. Little did I know this tiny quote would spark so much controversy:

"The time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics that is beyond religion." --Dalai Lama

My original intent for posting this quote was not to start WWIII; rather I wanted  to agree with his holiness that religion, while a (generally) positive construct of modern society, is not the end-all be-all of human existence or even human spirituality. In fact, studies are showing more and more people are claiming themselves to be "spiritual" but not necessarily "religious." What does this mean? Are more people becoming atheists? Are they losing faith in God?

A mentor of mine posted a reply to the discussion on my page:

"There's a saying that, "If there is no God, nothing matters. If there is a God, nothing else matters." Because I believe the second proposition to be true, every other question ultimately finds its resolution there, even apparently trivial...

ones, for "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Paul's Epistle to the Romans 8:28)"

http://www.philippianjailer.com/2012/02/does-god-care-who-wins-super-bowl.html

For the record, I love to talk to all kinds of people about what exactly "God" represents for them. For my mentor he is the omnipotent God of Christianity. For me things are a little more complicated. Herein lies the clincher. When we use the lens of religion we limit ourselves to what that construct means and what terms validate that construct. "God" carries different meanings for a Jew, Muslim, or Christian as compared to a Hindu, Pagan, Agnostic, or even Atheist. 'Religion' has a place in many discussions, but I personally believe it to be an exclusive term with stipulations attached. In this case 'spirituality' may be a more inclusive and universally inviting term. I compare the two terms in meaning and likeness to two other terms I used in a recent essay: religious tolerance and religious pluralism

Here is a link to that essay: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yc9DtaQFARbc7_cDtbxSm0AXhwS1y0PwSeRddcz6J5c/edit

In the end we need to find ways of communicating with each other than are constructive and respectful. We can disagree all day long on semantics, but there is meaning in the space we share as humans beings on this planet and in this divine universe. 

Blessings,

Denora  

Reaffirming the Journey

So today is technically day three of my first "intensive" seminary experience. As I reflect on all the things that brought me to this point I come up with a few thoughts:

 1) No matter how alone you think you may be, especially in an online environment, there are those who feel exactly the same at some point. Additionally, feeling inadequate about how much time you're devoting to something or how well you're doing is entirely relative to just you. If we all spent our lives trying to be Michael Phelps I think a lot of us would be disappointed.

2) I have never felt as inspired by any of my previous academic experiences. Let me highlight that point by saying the people I've met on this journey and continue to meet are in my opinion the bridge-builders of our society. They are simply amazing people who continue to challenge assumptions and make a real difference in this world, and they inspire me to want to learn more, do more, and be the best I can be.

3) Seminary education is hella hard. No one ever warns you of this before you take that first step. But if you can keep placing one foot in front of the other one day at a time you will look back one day and realize you've travelled so far. And if you're lucky, somebody is going to join you on different legs of that journey--they may not travel the whole way with you, but you know you're never alone.

4) We are changing the world. Our friends may not understand, our family might not support us, we may not even grasp what it is we're doing, but we are doing something magical and that deserves its own shout out.

Blessings,

Denora 

Nutrition and Finally Admitting When You Need Help

So this is another post in a long line of nutrition and health themed posts by yours truly. I finally broke down last week and signed up for the Lean Eating Program offered by Precision Nutrition:

http://www.precisionnutrition.com/

The reasons are numerous: I'd like to lose weight obviously, but more specifically lose fat and maintain muscle. I like the accountability aspect of the program, and the fact that they coach you for a year so you know this isn't another gimmick--they're by your side the whole time. And, if you follow the program 80% of the time and still don't see results you get your money back. Aside from all of those things...this is yet another experiment in self-love. See, I know my body and how it works, but I've yet to crack the magical code that gets my body to do what I want it to do. I feel like I'm so close. This is my trump card. I've made some pretty impressive strength gains in the gym, more than I ever thought I would and I'm still progressing which is awesome. One of these days I am going to do a one-arm pullup just to say I can. These are things I want besides an amazing six-pack. I'll keep posting about my progress over the next year. This is the first step on this journey.

Blessings,

Denora

The Obesity Discussion

I was perusing FB today as I normally do (who doesn't?) when I came across two separate articles:

The first is an article from the group I follow. It's an interview with Lyle McDonald--internationally recognized fitness guru and self-proclaimed jerk
http://body-improvements.com/articles/interviews/lyle-mcdonald-interview/

The second is a blog post on obesity versus body image in the Pagan community:
http://soulinteraction.com/2012/07/19/the-pagan-obesity-discussion-and-debate/

I present both cases because for me they represent two sides of the same coin. We are starting to realize on a national level that people in America (and now other countries who never used to have this problem) are obese. We are FAT. There is no way to sugar-coat the issue. But we seem to be in denial about the whole thing. In fact, we are still so much in denial that we will sit in front of our televisions streaming loads of commercials on sugar and fat-infested "food" while munching on said "food" while bemoaning the ever-increasing size of our thighs....then turn around and buy a shake-weight.

Someone. Please. Shoot. Me.

I am waiting for the day when we wake up and start taking control of our lives. Stop blaming the government, stop blaming popular media outlets, and for goodness sake stop blaming the marketing schemes that run rampant around every corner. If you can't leave the grocery store without buying half the cookies and chips in there then learn to just shop in the produce section. If you can't watch TV without seeing a pizza commercial and ordering a pizza then stop watching TV and go do something productive. If you're wondering how you're ever going to be able to see your toes again because your gut is in the way--start with the first step. But for heaven's sake DO something other than whine and moan and blame.

Humanity is beautiful. We are manifestations of the divine and we are meant to sing and dance and rejoice and celebrate. Why have we allowed ourselves to become slaves to our existence? Your body is a temple. Mind what you put into it so only the best may come out.

Blessings,

Denora

Always More to Learn...

Despite the multitudes of individuals all over the world who utilize the internet for all sorts of awesome writing...

It turns out writing, like so many other things, is an art if you want to write well. And by well I mean for a theological education program. We had to take a check-up break and right our impressions on what we're doing well and where we need improvement. These were my observations:


I'm very grateful for the opportunity to take this course. Writing has always been something I've enjoyed, but not something I've received intricate instruction in. This course has enabled me to start looking at my writing from a functional perspective--something I can definitely appreciate, but also something that is difficult.

1) I believe my top strengths lie in my personality and my use of words. To expand on that a bit, I like to believe (perhaps incorrectly?) that my personality comes across in my writing fairly well depending on the occasion. I realize that journaling and other forms of free-writing will allow for greater levels of personal expression than academic writing, but I still try to maintain a certain level of "personality" in all of my writing. Also, my time in the military has made it necessary for me to become familiar with many different ways to say the same thing. One of the particulars of performance reports requires a certain level of creativity with words that I also hope carries over into my writing.

2) As much as I love writing, I have never been particularly strong in the mechanics of grammar department. My writing style is more free-flowing and I tend to go with what sounds or feels right rather than knowing the actual grammar rules. This has gotten several points marked off of my assignments in this course so far and tells me it is an area I need to work on. I also realize despite my best intentions I am not as organized as I want to be and this is also affecting my work quality.

3) Before taking this course I never realized how much writing is a necessary part of a theological education. My previous degree programs focused on writing, but never delved into the mechanics or focused on improving the quality of student work. I think in order to be successful I will need to tailor and polish my writing skills and I will need to focus on ideas revolving around writing much more than I anticipated. Additionally, I feel like I'm at a personal disadvantage for never having a formal theological education, so I will need to be more vigilant in my studies.

I'm comparing this process to baking a cake. Almost anyone can bake a cake in their own home, but only the best bakers learn how to make truly impressive edible works of art. I'm hoping one day my written works of art are that impressive, but for now I will continue to learn what I can.

-Denora

Religious Diversity

I wrote this very short essay in honor of my friend Don Larsen for one of my classes this quarter:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pqSkr40y-vg6bOd-ZupilKwO5Xz0mwGTqFqhQQxwq9I/edit

If I had longer to devote to the topic I would have expanded on my feelings regarding religious pluralism. However, I will say this much...I feel it is essential that people of different faiths focus more on the similarities of their beliefs than the differences. We can spout about peace and love until we are blue in the face but we must ACT in order for it to become a reality.

"This attitude is essentially based on a non-literal view of one's religious traditions, hence allowing for respect to be engendered between different traditions on fundamental principles rather than more marginal issues. It is perhaps summarized as an attitude which rejects focus on immaterial differences, and instead gives respect to those beliefs held in common."

Bright Blessings,

Denora

The Perpetual Marathon

Let me start by saying I hate running. In fact, hate may not be a strong enough word to describe how much I loathe the act of running. "Well, why did you run a half-marathon last year?" you ask. Well for one, I wanted to prove I could do it. Just because I hate something doesn't mean I'm going to let it own me. Also, I had to define and realize for myself just HOW MUCH I cannot stand running. Ok, now that we understand each other on this point I will say that running provides the almost perfect descriptive scenario for my life right now.

First, you're super excited because you signed up for a race (in this case, a school semester or other such commitment) you train, get organized, and pump yourself up for the task. Then the day of the race is here and you're on the starting line...BOOM it's time to go. You start off strong--and then you hit the wall. I'm on month two and the combination of work, obligations, school, and life in general has drained me of all my well-intended energy. The intricate dance of life-balancing started off so perfectly only to be reduced to a mish-mash of desperate attempts to remain abreast of deadlines and goals and plans. I'm on mile 6.5 and we still have a few hills to climb but my lungs are burning and my shins are screaming. I NEED REST. But I will continue to run...I'm stubborn like that.

In retrospect this is sort of what I signed up for. You may or may not know that I already have a few milestones marked off my list. (other than a half-marathon) I finished my first master's degree in December of 2010--a feat that I had promised I would complete before ever thinking about procreating. So what am I doing now?? Why all the moaning about life being like a marathon?? Well, I sort of made this huge life decision to go to seminary, acquire a master's in divinity, and take my chances at becoming a Wiccan chaplain. Woah. What? Yeah.

See, I love being in the Air Force. It's awesome. But I've never quite felt super excited about my job. (shocker) And, to top it off I have all this random knowledge rumbling around in my head about biological processes and international trade agreements and national security policies (hello free education!) but NOTHING related to my "job" in the Air Force. I put "job" in quotations because many would argue that officership and leadership is job number one whilst communications is job number two. However, I have this insane need to help people. I like talking to people, I like listening to people, and I like helping people. Oh, and I am a Wiccan in the military helping other Wiccans who don't have a chaplain. I'm making this a lighter post on the subject, but the more I learn and the longer I pursue this goal the more I realize how important this is--and just how much I could fail. See, others have failed before me. Others who have lost their careers in the pursuit of ensuring religious pluralism is upheld. I refuse to fail.

This is my marathon.

For lighter reading I ask those who may be interested to check out this article about one of my personal heros and our struggle: https://docs.google.com/open?id=0ByAY6igmY7VRd0pydUdKZ2ZGOFU

Bright Blessings,

Denora

Defining the Writer (or other person) Within

This past assignment was appropriately labeled "Autobiographical Narrative of Self as a Writer" which sounds nice, but comes out as a huge mouthful that leaves you wondering how to digest it. Basically, the task was to analyze anything we may have written in the past, things we have yet to write, or our own personal writing style...etc.

I had to start with a simple list because my brain needed fodder. In this case I think the KISS principle applied: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pLRWULxUZY6uCvUvvjIESFk0MiCtZxVDgUPQicvc7w4/edit

Needless to say this was a nice exercise in self-awareness if nothing else. If you took at least five minutes to write down a list of items that describe you (it can be adjectives, or statements, or whatever else you wanted) what would you write? Would you like the things you had to say about yourself? This particular list focused on our writing, but I get the feeling if I expanded the list to include other areas I may find things I like about me and maybe some I need to improve. 

I think the idea here without turning this into another self-love lecture would be to turn this into a self-awareness exercise. And if you happen to read this and think it's a great idea, then realize you may have more improving to do that you thought you can take a cue from ol' Ben Franklin: http://www.thebridgemaker.com/the-benjamin-franklin-13-week-self-improvement-challenge/

Cheers,

Denora

The Long Road to Loving Yourself

This may be the first post in a long line of topics related to self-love...and I'm not referencing all-out narcissism or anything. Too many women nowadays are literally hitched to the self-loathing wagon and anyone who isn't seems to get the sharp edge of the hatred stick. By no means am I a perfect example--rather I choose to work at my relationship with myself on a daily basis. I read this article today from one of the groups I follow on FB:

http://www.jencomaskeck.com/2012/06/dear-self-you-look-damn-good-today.html

I had to laugh because subconsciously I do the exact same thing. I look at myself in the mirror, and I start to meticulously pick apart everything I don't like about my body. I wonder when this trend started to become second nature? When did women start reducing themselves to piles of sub-standard flesh? There's no doubt this practice is harmful in so many ways to our psyche, which is why I'm sort of rebelling against the societal norm in several ways. The first is diet related. After my month-long detox/fast I started an intermittent fasting protocol (don't freak out yet folks) which calls for a 6-8 hr eating window followed by fasting until the next day. This isn't much different than what people do everyday anyway (you don't eat while you sleep) but it just extends a bit into my normal day. The following websites are a wealth of information on the subject, but for now I want to focus on the idea of self-love:

http://fitnessbaddie.wordpress.com/

http://www.leangains.com/

I can tell you that since I have embarked on this journey of no longer hating my body every second of every day, eating large amounts of food I love, lifting heavy things and NOT running anymore (a subject I can go on about incessantly) I have felt a greater sense of relief and personal freedom. Even if I don't happen to hit some magical number on a scale, I have the proof of strength gains and more muscle which in aesthetic terms looks better to me than just a thinner version of myself. I've even caught myself looking at someone else and thinking "I remember when I wanted to look like that, but now I think I'd like to have more muscle."

I guess it just goes to show we can change our realities one thought at a time.

Blessings,

Denora

Learning Styles

Since I have returned from the wilderness of North Carolina, I find it is necessary to also return my focus to homework....

Luckily, none of the assignments thusfar are particularly grueling. In fact, this week's focus seems to be all about learning exactly how you learn--do you listen well, are you a crazy bouncy person, etc. I decided to take three of the offered quizzes and averaged my responses together:

What Are My Learning Strengths?

This quiz was broken out into eight sections, asking random questions about verbal intelligence versus logical or mathematical (not my strong point) versus visual...(you get the point) The scoring parameters were vague and I believe there to simply represent the prescence of a particular trait without adding a numerical value. Here's how I scored:

Verbal/Linguistic Intelligence - 9
Logical/Mathematical - 7
Visual/Spacial - 7
Bodily/Kinesthetic - 8
Musical/Rhythmic - 8
Interpersonal - 8
Intrapersonal - 7
Naturalist - 8

Now, what does all of this mean? I had a classmate describe his experience this way:

"Also, being a "Nature boy", hiking, surviving in the wild, etc. I was surprised that I scored the lowest (3.86) in the Nature category. Maybe my instinctive knowledge of how to survive in and interact with Nature was more inter and intrapersonal than naturalist, as in:
"Hey, Bear! Wanna take a walk with me?" and "How does meeting this hungry bear make me feel?" rather than "Oh shit! A BEAR! I should organize it into a category in relation to these tall trees over there". hmmmm.... as I remember it was more like my buddy stopping me and saying "don't move a muscle or we are dead meat..." then instructing me what to do. Yeah, very Social and interpersonal.
And Language. Curiously, I did not sing to the bear. Maybe that is why I am still able to take surveys..."

If we follow his example I describe myself like this:

"I can tell you almost every detail about the bear, down to what he probably ate for breakfast, but not the mathematical relevancy of how much it weighs or what it looks like. I will also want to pet the bear and probably dance and sing with it, while inviting it to tea or some such other friendly activity..."

Now we move on to the next quiz: Multiple Intelligences: Find Your Strengths!

After this quiz I can conclude that I am a total, complete, and all encompassing hippie. I scored the highest in musical competency (5), followed closely by language (4.43), and finally by nature (4.14) So much for dancing and having tea with my bear-friend.

My last quiz attempt left me feeling well-rounded: Learning Styles

Visual: 44
Auditory: 40
Kinesthetic: 44

So in the end I believe I learn quite well by visuals, but also through music and other such mediums. I talk with my hands, write stuff down but hardly ever reference it again, and engage in as much sarcastic banter as I can muster from others. I'm a friendly, dancing and singing bear-hugging hippie. Moral of the story? Three cheers also for self-awareness.

-Denora

Writing Portfolio Introductory Post

It's been awhile...

Like so many other things in life, it's easy to forget about something unless we make an effort to include it in our regular practice. When I initially set up this blog I had no particular plan for it--hence why I haven't posted since March. In an effort to be more "organized" and in touch with my writing (something that has significantly fell off the wagon since I was younger) I'm going to utilize this space for my class and hopefully it will carry over after I've completed it. Our first assignment was to link our sustainability practice document so here that is:

https://docs.google.com/a/iliff.edu/document/d/1GVFcjgdUCyAWzz2Jor16coQKoB3AGIIevUNflDeQZfA/edit

Three cheers for productivity and sustainable practices ^_^

Denora

My Juice Fast Journey

Some words of wisdom from Charles Eisenstein in The Yoga of Eating: Transcending Diets and Dogma to Nourish the Natural Self; “…the greatest challenges and benefits of fasting are psycho-spiritual. Fasting has dimensions far beyond what we usually label the physical, and it cleanses more than just the body. Because eating is such a convenient distraction, fasting puts us face to face with ourselves. …Fasting is a meditation of the body.”

Make no bones about it, fasting is probably one of the hardest things I've ever attempted. For one thing, I never wanted to admit my addiction to food. I don't think anyone wants to actually admit the majority of their time is spent on the pursuit, preparation, and consumation of that fabulous resource. Our society has a fascination with food that borders on dangerous--especially for people who have addictive tendencies or health issues hidden in their genetics.

I'm currently on Day 11 if this journey, with the intent of going for a full 30 if my body allows me to or even 45 if I find it working. Part of my reasons are for weight loss, but as I go through this I realize my real reason for starting and finishing this is to gain greater insight into "me." Take away all the distractions and excuses and all you're left with is reality.

Wish me luck--or better yet consider something similar for yourself if you're curious. Cleansing doesn't have to take 30 days. It can be done for a week or for ten days to start out with. The important thing is we need to start taking control of our health starting with what we choose to put in our bodies.

Bright Blessings,

Denora

Welcome to the world of blogging...

So as I was driving in to work yesterday evening, a very interesting idea struck me:

When I was younger I loved to write--particularly poetry because it seemed a fair medium to get out all my teen angst, but also to put my thoughts in writing SOMEWHERE so they wouldn't just be floating around. I have since stopped writing as much as I would like in favor of more scholarly pursuits like a masters degree (or a second masters degree...)
Which brings me to this point. I have things to say about various subjects, and I think blogging may serve as an outlet for these tidbits of randomness. I'm not saying you have to like anything I post--hell you don't even have to read it. But in some small way I do have to write it. Let's take this journey shall we?

Bright Blessings,

Denora