The Children Dilemma

I don't want the title of this post to be misleading in any way. I love children. In fact, I have one of my own. I love him more than life itself, but I would be lying to you if I told you it was all sunshine and rainbows all the time. My best friend re-posted an article on Facebook and I had to write a post about it because this has been on my mind for a few months now:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-berube/2014/02/you-shouldnt-need-a-reason-for-not-having-kids/

This article touched on those who make the choice not to have children at all, but I want to add a group to this--the "one and done" folks. Folks like me who are seriously considering stopping with just my son.

But why stop at one? Aren't I afraid he'll be lonely? Doesn't he deserve a sibling? Won't he be spoiled? What happens if something happens to him?!

See, the inappropriate questions don't just stop if you're considering not having one at all. After you've had one the assumption is of course you'll add to your flock, and if you don't you're selling both yourself and your offspring short.

Here's a thought: the more I look at my little family, me, my husband, and my beautiful son--the more I realize I can devote so much to him that I wouldn't be able to do with more. All of my time, all of my resources, all of my love. He can do more recreational things in school because I can afford it if he wants. He can go to better schools if he wants. The cost of living is expensive in the Northeast. And then there are the reasons that are taboo to talk about...I want my body back. This birth was so hard on my mental state, emotional stability, and my body. I have a thyroid disorder, I'm on antidepressants for post-partum depression. I miss the way my marriage used to be so effortless and now it's a little strained. I love breastfeeding him but it is so hard while I travel for school and the ANG. And I'm trying to jumpstart a career. I did seven years on active duty and now I want to do something meaningful for me.

So yes, I might be selfish. But ask yourself what is more selfish--bringing another human being into this world to fit some arbitrary ideal that there should always be more than one per family for "balance" purposes, or taking an honest assessment of my abilities and resources and devoting everything I have to what I have? Think about that next time you want to make any comments on a woman's decision to live her life with children or without.

Denora