Sunday, April 7, 2013

Frustrations You Never Thought About

After the huggy feeling of my last post I need to go ahead and lay my next one out. I posted briefly on FB recently about my frustrations with the military medical system, and particularly how it pertains to prenatal care and labor/delivery. Let me be clear on one thing up front: I've been an active duty member for seven years and I've never had any issues with the medical system or TRICARE. In fact, anytime I've needed care or medication (which has been rarely) I've always received in my mind adequate service. I realize not everyone can say this in all honesty so I count myself as fortunate.

However, for me prenatal care and labor/delivery is a whole 'nother ballgame. I've recently finished reading a book by my personal hero Ina May Gaskin (if you are a woman and highly interested in natural childbirth I recommend this book hands down: http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365350765&sr=8-1&keywords=ina+may%27s+guide+to+childbirth)

I'm the type of person who when faced with a new challenge (i.e. pregnancy) I research the crap out of all of my options in order to make what I feel are educated decisions. Being somewhat of a hippie, this started with the idea of natural childbirth and led me eventually down the rabbit hole to my beef with TRICARE and the military medical system. I'm going to describe this in some detail, and I understand not everyone may agree with my viewpoint. Certainly there are countless women out there who have given birth either in military hospitals or civilian run hospitals overseen by military OBGYNs and their experiences were marvelous. This rant is not about my perceptions of any shortcomings of the system in place--in fact if I chose to give birth in a hospital under modern conceptions of labor and delivery I'm sure I would be well taken care of. This rant is more about choice. I am, in effect, furious about my LACK of choice within the current military medical system. (And yes, I am aware of the consequences of signing on the dotted line, and I am thankful to have medical care in the first place, and this post is not about either of those points either)

I am disappointed that in a country such as the United States, with the technological and medical advances we have on hand (curing cancer...etc) we are still touting that women who are pregnant are objects to be scrutinized instead of celebrated. When I am seen by an OBGYN I am in essence my vital signs--blood pressure, height, weight, whether or not my blood has any indicators for down syndrome, cerebral palsy, or any other abnormalities. I'm not asked how I feel, how my pregnancy is progressing, am I having any difficulties with the emotional aspects of these changes. I am asked if I'm having any pain, and then I am arbitrarily prescribed antibiotics for a "condition" that is both natural and has no lasting effect on my labor or baby, but not informed that the consumption of oral antibiotics during pregnancy has been directly linked to damaging effects on the developing immune system of babies in several studies across several countries. My choices of where to give birth are ONE place, within ONE system, yet I am forced to be juggled between FOUR OBGYNs who just see me as statistics on a chart.

I am a person. I have a name. My baby has a name and is also a person. I want a choice on how they are brought into this world, without interference or being told by some "expert" how it should be done, where it should be done, and what drugs I need on what schedule to make them come out on time. I believe women are perfectly made to birth children with as little interference as possible (unless some medical intervention is necessary to save lives). And I don't want to be scared and rushed during this incredibly wondrous and challenging time in my life. This is how I feel, and completely my opinion. But there is something to be said when a large system imposes itself in something so personal as childbirth. This isn't limited to the military either. This is a larger problem that's prevalent in insurance coverage and the hospital system all across our country. This problem won't go away until women stand up and take charge of their pregnancies and their bodies by educating themselves. We are not victims. Pregnancy is not some "condition" or broken limb to be fixed. It is a natural process that women have been completing without medical intervention for millennia. This is my soapbox and my passion. I don't expect TRICARE or the military medical system to change for me, but I am disappointed that this is the frustration I never thought I would have to face.

Denora

When the Path Isn't Always Visible...

I know I haven't posted in awhile, and I have several topics in mind I want to cover but for this post I will focus on the changes going on in our lives due to our impending bundle of joy, moving, jobs, school, etc...

I am currently about 4 1/2 months pregnant. In the time since we found out we were pregnant, hubby and I purchased a new home, moved into our new home, I finished my last quarter for school (for awhile at least) I survived food poisoning, and life in general has settled down for a bit. It has been a busy beginning to 2013 to say the least.

Pregnancy has been a fascinating experience for me thus far. To elaborate--besides the sheer awesome potential of growing another human being inside of you the world takes on a completely different perspective. I've run the gambit of emotions these last few months, from being terrified to elated and everything in between. The general consensus though is I'm excited to be pregnant and to have a chance to start a family. I'm also pleasantly surprised at how much being pregnant changes your perspective about your body. I was frustrated at first by the prospect of putting on a ton of weight and not being able to do anything about it. I groaned about not having the energy to work out, and not having the right appetite to eat the foods I know are healthy. (I should have bought stock in chicken fingers and pizza) The truth is, none of that matters in the long run. As long as I'm not eating my weight in french fries everyday (Yay for Five Guys!) and I'm taking other steps to ensure I'm progressing in a healthy pregnancy, it has been the most liberating thing in the world to finally say "yes" to eating cookies and anything I've staunchly avoided in the past because I was watching my weight. Yes, I'm telling you it has been a relief to eat french fries without guilt.

That's really just one aspect of this journey that has been enlightening for me. I love watching the changes and experiencing what my body is going through. I almost melted the first time I saw my baby on the ultrasound screen. So many changes...and so many more are imminent. I'll be separating from the Air Force in a few months, a decision which will bring so many new challenges in figuring out who I am and what my purpose in life will be. Except I know my new purpose will be undeniably connected to the life now growing inside me. And I'm super excited, super scared, etc. I read a quote this morning that sums it up pretty well:

"As someone once told me, 'It all falls back to love.' He's absolutely right. It all falls back to love. Love for yourself. Love for your body. Love for those around you." --Aimee DuFresne

I am in love with life right now, and I wish the same for all of you.

Blessings,

Denora